And just so you don't think I'm throwing you to the wolves...everything I'm suggesting you do, I'm gonna do myself...I'm gonna make my own Cozi Calendar...and I'm gonna sign up for the online support group, too. Cause I can't very well be suggesting things that I either can't or won't do myself, eh? It's long past time we organized our lives so that they more closely resemble 'normal'...I'm not a big fan of 'normal', but that's how the rest of the world operates and I DO want to be part of the world and want to be able to function decently within it...I've had the 'luxury'of skirting this issue for some time now...and you see where that's gotten me...secluded, STILL fat, STILL unhealthy and STILL living in a cluttered house... We both have dreams for our futures. Dreams that we have the ability and the courage to pursue with our whole beings. If we can only get past the negative tape loops from past failures in our heads. One of my favorite sayings is "The definition of crazy is doing the same thing, over and over again, yet expecting different results." We can't help having ADD, but we can help being crazy. Cause we're not crazy...so we both need to stop acting that way, over and over again, while expecting things to turn out differently in our lives. We both know better, at this point...or we should. We have had enough proof, by now, that we possess faulty logic about certain things. We have to remember that it's OK to not know. But it's not OK, once we know, to pretend like we don't. It's pointless to wallow in blame and self recriminations. So, you know, just DON'T! And every time you start to feel shitty and worthless about any of this stuff...from now on...just STOP IT! And if you have trouble stopping it...watch this...again and again...as many times as it takes...
My mother once said "Feeling something makes it that way." My mother was wrong. Again. So I've made you this blog...and I've done this so that I have a place to share with you every little ADD tip, trick and tool that I can think of...and hopefully, out of the lot of it all, you can find a few helpful bits...if nothing else, you'll know that I'm thinking of you and that I REALLY DO feel for ya, sista. It's not an easy thing to have, especially in this particular world. I have a deep love/hate relationship with my ADD. I wouldn't trade it, but it'd sure be nice to send it somewhere for vacation once in a while. The ÁDD' that they show on TV, the ADD with the definition of 'disorganized and forgetful'...really, it's laughable, this superficial portrait...the ADD that I live with is a lot more complex and confusing... My ADD is Attention Dis-regulation Disorder...some days I'm fine and some days I feel like I woke up with a helmet full of marshmallows strapped to my head. Some days I'm 'Johnny on the Spot", some days I have no fucking idea where the Spot is or why people are calling me Johnny or how I was able to apparently be on the Spot that I can no longer find, today. When I say Ëvery day's a new day", I sincerely mean it. My ADD is full of emotional dis-regulation, self-doubt and a fear of failure that has made actually dealing with and understanding ADD a million times more difficult. Because I take it all personally. Because I don't know where to draw the line of responsibility for having this disorder. Because I get so busy blaming myself for the problem that I waste the time I should be spending on solutions. One of the very first important things that Debbie did for me was to simply validate the fact that I actually DO have ADD. And later, she did neurofeedback on me, and I could actually SEE my brain waves and SEE how they weren't 'normal' ...hmmm... neurofeedback...you should do neurofeedback...more on that later...Anyway, I'm telling you now, you have ADD. I've known you for a long time and I really believe this to be true. In part because I've noticed that the closer that someone is to me, on the spectrum, the better I get along with them, the better I understand them, and vice versa. One thing that is helpful to keep in mind is that ADD, Aspergers, and Dyslexia are all connected...they're all frontal lobe issues. And often what helps for one, will help for the others. Just throwing that out there...For instance, here's a video I found about how the world looks when you have Aspergers...my world looks very similar...is it Aspergers? ADD? Who knows...What I DO know is that this stuff in the video...THIS is why Walmart SUCKS! It all blends together...the sights and the sounds...it's a nightmare and it literally DRAINS me for hours afterwards...choosing when you tackle Walmart is important if you have other stuff to do afterwards...
To believe that you have ADD, you have to see it for the physiological condition that it is...so I'm making some links, for you, for some books to look at in your spare time...if you can, try to do this as soon as possible, once school ends, cause you've got a fair amount of work to do this summer to get ready for the fall...you've got some rocks to go get for your foundation over the next few months...it's gonna be hard, but it will be worth it, in the end.
